Friday, April 18, 2008

Happy Ginger Day!




Well hi there, chums is it? Hi. My name is Lenord but y'all can call me Lenny. I've been asked to come along and celebrate this here Ginger Day with y'all. I 'splained I wasn't no Ginger and frankly, I don't truck with no gingers neither, seeing as how they are all clearly devil spawn and probably left handed to boot, but dang, that fatcat critter 'splained to me that I owed her one. I axed, 'how'd ye figure?' And she laughed, then coughed, then laughed and then showed me an embarrassing picture of me when I was in my cups.
Now I'm not one to get easily embarrassed. I believe in my god given body, I believe in my masculinity, it's right there ain't it? Not like I can cover it up now, is it? I mean, look at me. Am I not a speci-men of manliness? But that darned cat lovin' freak, shoot, she sure is plain evil and when she turns the screw on a body that's it. It's not like I knew there was a camera there that night.
I'spect her of all manner of things, first she don't believe in God. Now, that right there proves she's evil. People who don't believe in God ain't got no business being here in my view. Not enjoying the same freedoms we fought for. Second, I believe she's some kind of pinko lib-ral. I know she got friends that are swish, and I know she don't believe in keeping damned freeloaders out of the country.
But that's all right, I ain't gonna get bothered none about that today. Today's Friday, sorry GingerDay, and that means the weekend is upon us. And God willin', that means me and a few of the boys are gonna head up into the mountains with some kegs and some semi-automatic weapons and some make up- not swish make up- camouflage, and we're gonna train real hard. Fuck yeah, we're gonna train so that we're ready when that day comes and we're called upon to protect our hard won liberties, and no one's gonna make me cover up, and they can prise my last keg from my cold dead hand. Which might be the case if Billy-Lou don't get the optical range finder fixed on his rifle. Dang that was close, but for my lightening fast reflexes I was almost a goner. Still haven't quite worked out how Billy-Lou mistook me for a bear.
Alls I'm saying is you lot can keep your Gingerday. I'm gonna be out there mano-a mano with nature the wind flowing through my hair, wearing nothing more than a cup and make-up and you lot can keep your purdy noses out of the woods. We don't require no swish lib-rals. No sir, we're a group of men, nekked, hard core men, who like to take photos of each other in their god given underwear, surrounded by civil guns. There's nothing hinky 'bout spending two days in the woods, nekkid as jaybirds and sweaty and learning how to grapple and sleeping in a bivouac, it help us get back to nature, it helps us get back to when men was men and uppity bitches and lib-rals kept the hell off our business.
Well, I'm not gonna get upset here. Happy GingerDay you pinko commie freaks. And remember, Jesus loves you. I don't, I hate each and everyone of you, but he do. And he the Man.

30 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you... erm... feeling ok FMC?

11:55 a.m.  
Blogger johnifer said...

Haha! You look like a fat, bald Russell Brand!

12:41 p.m.  
Blogger Megan McGurk said...

Brilliant!
This is truly Faulknerian, FMC.
Bless hisself.

12:42 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thats both gross and soo funny all at the same time

1:05 p.m.  
Blogger Andraste said...

Cousin Cletus! Stop embarrassing me in front of my friends!

2:04 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

FMC if you'd pasted a ginger mop on that guy, it could be Barry Egan, why the resemblance is uncanny.

I bet the debonair journo/man about town, strikes this very pose while socialising with Gerard, Lisa, Glenda, Andrea, Rosie, and all the rest of those D4 cunts that fill the back page of that Sindo rag.

Yep, Barry...your quite a guy.

2:25 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is people ou there who can help you, you are not alone in this maddness!!

Listen in unrelated but more important matters what you think of those Stilettos with the strap things on them, you know they have like two straps that go over the top of your foot and fasten, Bertie and Mark Jacob make them?


nonny

2:29 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bertie is making strappy shoes now? Serves the lying c*nt right.

2:45 p.m.  
Blogger Blonde Goddess said...

HAHAHA!!!!

3:00 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Top of the avo to you chumlies, I see you've met Lenny. Hope you all aren't blinded by his manliness. Certainly he made my eyebrows go jiggy.

Nonny, Berties! Excellent shoes, I bought a silver pair back in december and their divine. I'd go with them. They're hella comfortable too, for high heels.

Barry Egan? I can almost see it, Bar doesn't really shriek Manbearpig at me quite as well though, I'd have to wait to see the photos of him in a posing pouch.

Andraste Sheepie, Medbh Johnifer, me happy ginger day to us all.

3:19 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

My good humour is brought to you my the makers of Italian wine and cold medicine. A velly Friday cocktail indeed. Now to do some actual work for a while.

3:20 p.m.  
Blogger Megan McGurk said...

Mmmm wine and cold meds.

Have I raved about the Cole Haan heels made with Nike Air Technology? I must have, but it bears repeating. They are super comfortable heels and oh so pretty.

4:11 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I went to school with him. Of course then he had less hair and guns but that's what happens when you get older, isn't it?

5:38 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

But other than that it's like time stood still, right?

5:52 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Indeed. I'm pretty sure his name's Colin.

6:29 p.m.  
Blogger Unknown said...

Tis the Paramour, in the flesh! No?

6:54 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

The paramour has short hair.

7:13 p.m.  
Blogger Unknown said...

I get your point, in other respects they're identical?

7:27 p.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Less guns too.

7:49 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you Miss can't, I have two pairs of them Bertie shoes for work but the style of these little fella was putting me off, I don’t want to be put into the ankle boots with dresses category ye know. The comfort thing won out and I am wearing them now, to warm them up for dancing later!! They are quite comfy, I’m also drinking pear cider, which may be blurring my vision when it comes to comfort.

Have a fantabulous weekend all!!

8:43 p.m.  
Blogger laughykate said...

Oh sweet Jesus in a submarine..... there I was sitting down with my nice cup of tea and my avocado and tomato on toast for breakfast..............and then I saw him....

You are an evil woman, FMC. That was cruel, not even a warning. You owe me a breakfast. Or if you find my appetite out there, could you send it back, please.

10:55 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And just what is so bad about a hairy chest and tum?

*Folds arms and tightens neckline of blouse defensively*

12:34 a.m.  
Blogger Manuel said...

dad? is that you?

12:41 a.m.  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Suck it up LK! It's a Gingerday treat.

6:49 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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